I hate the time away from isla. any time. even "me" time. I feel such guilt leaving my baby and honestly i just don't like it. i feel so guilty not because i am away from her, but because i should be enjoying my company i am with rather than wishing i was Isla. i know i deserve adult time and i do it. I feel bad i am on date night with husband and although he loves his little lady he deserves some baby away time and be with his wife. i get it honestly i do. Its just so hard. i mean for goodness sake times iv been invited to go to lunch with co workers and i make an excuse or just simply excuse my self from NOT going because that would be no baby on my lunch break. I go home EVERYDAY for lunch to be with her, its our routine. i hate leaving her my work shift as is. The lunch break really helps me to get through my day and make it so not too much goes by without her seeing me. Or even when she is asleep and all i want to do is connect with her and cuddle her. I know that this may all be because i am a first time mommy but I HATE leaving her. i hate being away.
The husband is wonderful, when he is with her during the day he will call me a few times a day just so she can hear my voice. i think i appreciate it and need that phone time more than she does! i miss her so much! i feel guilty that i am away! i mean SHE WILL NEVER BE THIS LITTLE AGAIN.... EVER! So i know i need to work on this and join the adult world with out kicking and screaming the whole way there....
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