My BIGGEST fears

With LOVE comes FEAR

 Since having Isla a whole new world of fears comes over me now, I have more to lose now. My fears are deeper; I look in to her face and I am overwhelmed with the thought of having to do with out her now that she is here and mine.

I fear that if something were to happen to me

Could someone love my baby the way I do

Would they know the difference between her hungry cry and her tired cry? Would they know how much she loves to cuddle and she loves to have someone there laying besides her for comfort. Would they know that when she first falls asleep for the night with in 30-45 minutes she will wake up and all she needs is to be touched? Would they tell her how much I loved her and how I showered her with holds and kisses? Would they know she kicks off her blankets because she hates to be hot? Would they know to check on her and cover her up once she is in a deeper sleep when it’s cold. Would they know that she enjoys when you lay on her and are face to face tickling her and making her laugh. Her giggles make my heart skip.

I am teaching her about the world, I am her voice I am here to care, love, and cherish her. The way I am teaching her about the world, I need to teach her about the bad and hope she takes my words and learns the positives and the negatives of this world. It is a scary big world out there all I can do is guide her.

When I am away from her I get anxious, I miss her. I love her so much it hurts.

Life affects me so much more.

I am more aware of the worry that comes with becoming a mother.

My heart is out there.

And all I want is to keep it safe.

To keep her safe.

I understand I must learn to let go and with time it will be easier but these worries and fears will never ease, I am a mother now. I am her mother.