September 26, 2010 01:40 AM

My baby is ONE!

Our first picture together. 

It's been a year since god blessed me with the greatest gift ever imaginable. September 26^th is a day that will forever be my rebirth; I become the mother of this healthy gorgeous baby girl who we named Isla! I remember the first time I heard her heart beat I was so floored and emotional I couldn’t stop my tears I was hysterical I couldn’t believe she was growing with in me! I was carrying her in me! This is very emotional for me! I CANT believe that she is one! Time sure does fly! I need a time machine so i can enjoy her in my present but be able to go back in time and smell her new sweet newborn scent. I remember the first time I laid my eyes on her, my heart stopped! I was over filled with and overwhelming feeling I have never felt! There are no any words to describe this love! I never knew I could love this way! I look at her and I am still in Awe! They placed her on my chest and I was just crying!!! Saying happy birthday baby and welcome to the world! I couldn’t believe she was mine! I created her! God chose me to be her mommy and I will take that role and go above and beyond for her. She exceeded my dreams and expectations of what she would look like! The most BEAUTIFUL baby I have ever seen there is absolutely NOTHING I wouldn’t give or do for that little being!  This is the day I will NEVER forget!  I loved EVERY SINGLE DAY, EVERY SINGLE MINUTE, SECOND, MIL SECOND, all of it! Staying up admiring our creation, the late night feedings, the comforting when she got sick that once as i said here the faces she makes at new tastes. I love being a mother there is no feeling that could ever compare to the love i have for my child, i heard about the bond and the love that you will feel but boy i am head over heels for her. My daughter is my whole entire world i don't know how i could have existed with out her. Now that she is mine i want her to live forever so i may be around to see her kids, and their kids! There truly aren't enough words for me to describe JUST how much i love her and how much she has changed our world! This little girl can brighten up my day with one simple gesture. I could be so tired, cranky, one look at her and all fades to nothing I discovered this strength in me I never knew I had she makes me happy and her love is so genuine and not comparable to anything in this world!  I want to hold on to her and never leave her out of my sight; I am enjoying being a mother more than I knew I would I cherish all the times I have with her day in and out! I love to cuddle her and the times when she sits so still in my arms as we lay back and watch little Einstein’s, I enjoy every meal I feed her, snack time, play time, crawl time all my time with her. I love the way she loves me and the way she receives me! I couldn’t have imagined my world and my heart will never be the same again! Isla you have forever changed me in more ways than you will ever know! I thank god for you and for every day he gives me with you! You are truly my dream came true and mommy’s biggest accomplishment! My miracle, you are half of me and half of daddy! YOU ARE PERFECT god broke the mold when you came in this world you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. You mean most to me and there is nothing in this world that could ever keep from you not even death, because even when I am gone you will always have half of me in you. You are my creation. I thank god for you every day, you are my constant reminder of that because the lord is good, and he has been so good to me blessing me with this angel! I look at you and I can’t wait for all the memories we will share! No one else will ever know the strength of my LOVE FOR YOU. After all you're the only one who knows what
my HEART sounds like from the inside. To many many many more years my love! I love you through and through forever and ever! Happy Birthday Beautiful! Mommy and Daddy love you!

Quiet time

 quiet time, what does this mean again? since islas birth i think i have learned to really appreciate this, funny how they say when you get older you appreciate the things our parents would, and now the comment of "oh its because they are old" is rapidly becoming me. Not saying i am old because quiet frankly you are only as old as you feel. i am a very active person with an active mind. i love it when and After Isla is tucked away and dreaming with her angels, daddy and I usually will hang out while we catch up on some shows. Some times his choice like most one's, BUT i will Admit some are very good choice. Monday night we got in to a show i was anticipating, but i already knew he would get sucked in. our new Monday show is Playboy club. I think i am really going to like this! Totally worth missing the Charlie sheen roast but i am sure we will catch it on re run! I enjoy sitting up in bed eating popcorn, (yes we really did) and enjoying a show with my husband we don't even have to talk to enjoy each other's company! Makes it so much more intimate that we can be right next to each other and not have to say a word YET taking it all in! Yes i love OUR quiet time!

I love the random nights i cant sleep because my thoughts are running around in my head, i get to catch up on "me" stuff weather it is the stacked up BUILT up magazines i get delivered one by one OR in September when the magazine was dated agust( we all know thoese magazines are ahead so this means i am two behind) if its the reading, or the cleaning of my make up brushes, or perphaps sneaking in a pedi i enjoy it. I love wrintg in my daughters journal and crying as i look back at our shared memories thus far! i LOVE QUIET TIME! or on nights when Isla is asleep and i miss her so i kidnap her from her crib and  bring her in bed with us and snuggle! she kicks and moves and smacks me all night but i love the sound of her breath! i love to have her near me. I feel even though she asleep she knows i am there! So i take any time i get with her since i work full time! That is great quiet time, just watching her sleep as the siloute of her nose profile is all i can see with her night light. I am in love! It may not be conviniet the times i or WE find quiet time but none the less i enjoy it! this is my life and if we end up each sitting in bed with our own respectable night stand lamps on, with our glasses on, reading material in hand, side by side just the husband and i 50 maybe 60 years from now, or maybe it will be a night when Isla is getting some much needed rest with a newborn of her own and i get to have the privillage of holding my grandchild at 4 in the morning in the future, God willing  i know i will LOVE our quiet time!

Teddy

 To watch my daughter hug and cuddle “teyii” (how she pronounces Teddy) the way she does warms my heart. it makes me feel warm. I love that she shows him so much affection because I see it as a reflection of the love we give her, she knows how to give love and he is her proof. I love that she has teddy. Its so funny how much she loves him, she has not taken to any other blankie, or stuffed animal the way she does to “teyii” I am so glad she has him, especially when her daddy and I had to leave on a trip a few weeks back it was her security. We made sure we each held teddy for some time so teddy could have a little bit of our scent too. Teddy goes everywhere with her. We do leave him in the car when we go to restaurants though we don’t want to risk food and such spilled on him. I still have a stuffed bunny that I got when I was 6 and my baby blankie iv had since I was born so bunny (Henry) 19 years and blankie 25 years I love that I have Henry he was and still at times is my comfort but now I have husby and Isla to hold on to now! I love to see her face light up when she discovers him under the blanket or when I make teyii dance for her. I love the way when she is tired she hold on to him so tight and wont let go she grabs him and reaches for her paci! with teddy in stow she is ready to dream away! she LOVES him and I can’t wait to see how far their relationship goes! These are the moments I live for!

Denver: WARNING picture overload

I can live in Denver! I thought Denver was absolutely gorgeous! It was clean, crisp, and green every where! Being a mile up is a perk too incase that tidal wave ever hits. Lol.  I can see us raising Isla there and actually loving it! We took that trip because one of our dear friends was getting married. His bride is from Colorado so it was fitting to have it there! The venue was breath taking! I loved the time away we had the husband and I it helped us to re connect but I missed my little too much. It was a smooth trip no issues, all fun, great people, and great experiences! SO I am going to let pictures do the talking Mrs. Smarty pants forgot her charger to her camera so we only got two days on there the rest was done by husbands iphone. PS: I tried to make it cute and group the pictures themed but there are A LOT of pictures and they are in no particular order…

So lets just call it a picture dump

Silent Sunday

Once upon a time...

 

Happy One Year Married Anniversary to US

Wow! its crazy to think back to this day and where we were and what we were about to embark on! I can’t believe I have been married to my best friend for a year now! Marriage bliss! And we have a little one to add to this now! Crazy that on this day a year ago we were walking in to the courthouse to have our selves a civil ceremony, not what we wished for but what we wanted! I am truly blessed and I know I sap about this often But its true and I will never tire of expressing this and thanking the lord above for him and this beautiful life he has given me! I am in love!  last night we were doing some organizing and we ended up going through memory lane by going through our “love boxes” we each have a box my box contains pictures, movie stubs, love notes, little things along the way I felt were special enough to keep. His “Dyna box” same thing but with a few other random me things he felt he wanted to keep. We looked through pictures and reminisce on how much we have done and been through these last 6 years! We wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love him with all that is me! We share so much together and have so much fun! We enjoy our time together! We play and keep things light! When times are hard which we are actually currently experiencing some hardship But we are that much more united and we know that all will be okay and that this too shall pass. I love how he loves me and love that we have our daughter as proof of the love we share. She is our entire world! Last year I was 36 weeks pregnant and anticipating her arrival, this year she is here with us shy of a week to turning ONE and we are celebrating together! The three of us! A marriage takes work and with work comes reward, she is our reward. our relationship in not perfect but we work at it, "never give up,never give up, never give up" - Dodson Skaggs. we were just at my our best friends wedding this past weekend and the bride's daddy whom i love gave a speech and in his speech he made some analogy's and  the "never give up" stuck out to me. It is so true he spoke so wise fully and from the heart no note cards needed. and he is so right! We aren't perfect but we cant ever give up, we are fortunate to have our life and i treasure each day. A marriage takes three: and with the lord in our court we can make it through with faith "I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live". I am his rock and he is mine. He will be there when i fall  i know this. I admire my husband for the way that he thinks. HE knows how to handle a situation and is nothing but wonderful. He brings out the best in me the way I do him. I have what he lacks and he what I we are partners. Lovers. There is no one else in this world I could imagine sharing this life with. I love his values, his goals; I love all that is him. I don’t know what today will bring but does not matter because we have today and for that I thank the lord. Another day with my soul mate. I have prepared a little something traditional to gift him and I hope today, tomorrow, and our future is WONDERFUL! 

Here is a peek in to our "fun" 

it was 2 in the morning by the time we finished our "photo shoot"

as tired as i may be the next morning it is ALL worth it!

We are nerds!

Finally Friday

this weather makes me want to cuddle!

A big tgif.

AND I am back at it! What a long 12 days it has been. We have been so busy with the Denver trip and adjusting back to our “normal” life. I sure am glad today is FRIDAY!

Its been a whirlwind and so hard to come back to work after being away from work for the past 8 days yesterday (September 15^th was my first day back) YIKES! So its time for week and time I have been away re cap HERE WE GO….

Well Monday the 5^th was a holiday so I was able to be with my little miss after Friday the 2^nd-7^th which to me was heaven but made it insanely more difficult to leave her as she gets really clingy (which I ABSOLUTELY love) when she has me and I have to either return to work or in this case leave to get on a plane! TEAR FREAKING TEARS! Followed by melt downs by me not the little. I WAS A MESS inside I put up a front from the outside because I didn’t want to damper the mood but the way I felt was so hard for me to shake! I will never leave my daughter again for pleasure unless she comes WITH. Bottom line.  So we were gone 7-12 (ill do a future post about Denver soon.) It was very nice to be able to re connect with the hubby I will admit but I missed my little FAR too much! Luckily we flew in early on the 12^th so I spent a full day with Isla and took Tuesday, Wednesday off to get connected again. I know that sounds so silly “connected again” Before we arrived to Grammas’ house I was literally getting a panic attack sort of the way I did when we were on the plane ride home and the husband was asleep and I was sitting there silently crying because the song on my iPod is a song I sing to her and used to put on my belly, I was panicking because the cars around me where driving what felt like a million miles UNDER the speed limit come on people don't you know my heart is going to burst out of my chest! I of course cried the way there until when we arrived to Grammas’ house to find an empty house and Mickey mouse club house on the TV it was a tease I couldn’t find her, her little buggy was gone so we went outside to wait, the husband saw her coming  and I ran to her up the street to find her sort of expression less, I was a little heartbroken because I expected her usual grin and moans to pick her up! Instead *crickets* and she eyeballed me like “are you for real’s?” I snagged her and held her she smiled at daddy and he tried to take her from me and NOPE she wouldn’t let me go! My heart felt at ease she still remembered me I know that is absurd to think my daughter could forget me in a span of 5 days but it’s my biggest fear one day I will be gone and she forgets mommy. My baby looked like a big girl. I don’t ever want to leave her like that again. EVER! My worries were insane.  So moving on one work day behind me and FRIDAY here we are ready for the weekend with my little love again! So looking forward to it! I am looking forward to this weekend, ladies and a gentle man Saturday is our BIG ONE YEAR wedding anniversary! Yay for that milestone! So I am busy thinking of something cutesy! I really hope that I can get through the rest of this September, like iv said before I will forever love September’s now but this one I wont mind seeing go with the exception of September 26^th! so i say COME…ON… OCTOBER!

Week and weekend in photos

Silent Sunday

overwhelmed

I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off gearing up for everything going on right now. My biggest task is the way I am going to handle leaving my daughter. I really wish that I could bring her along but there is just NO way! And it kills me. See we will be in the wedding both the husband and I, so we have some wedding business we are going to be doing. Bridal girly appointments, Rehearsals, rehearsal dinner, wedding, after wedding they are gifting the bridal party with a Rookies game. Since we are away we don’t have anyone who could watch her while we do those things. It kills me! Some background for you I have never left Isla like this before. I mean hubby and I have had over night date night where she spent the night at Grama’s but It was just down the street I could get to her if I wanted or needed to in 10 minutes. Denver is FAR. I will not be able to get to her if heaven forbid something happened to her. This is anxiety that is killing me. I made a commitment before we found out we were expecting to the wedding so I kept my word but didn’t fathom how hard it will be to deal with my separation anxiety now that Isla is here. We thought by this time we would need a get away but I was WORNG.  What am I going to do with out her for 5 days!!!! AHHH! I think this trip will be harder on me but I know she will miss me and it hurts me to think I will be away from her and that she may miss me. I have so much to do before then I hope that I can squeeze her in every second I get. While I am gone we will be facetiming with the iphone if you don’t know what that is it’s a feature that the iphone has you can see the person you are talking to through the 3G network, and I hope that it doesn’t upset her because ill cry if I see she is upset. I don’t know how to deal with all these thoughts! What if something happens to us while we are away, WORSE yet what if something happens to her and I am not there? Or what if she takes her first few steps with out mommy OR daddy there? I will be crushed! I am sure these feelings are all expected on a new parent, I just never dealt with this sort of feeling or didn’t anticipate I would feel like this some people make it seem easy… while I am there I am going to have to settle for the 1,000 plus iphone pictures! Am I too obsessive?

Friday Rant

"Draw a circle not a heart around the person you love because a heart can break but a circle goes on forever"...

I love this life that i am living and i owe it all to H-I-M ♥

My poor husband, dammed if he does dammed if he don’t.  Well at least I think that’s what he has been thinking lately, poor guy gets my raft often and is usually the one I snap at. I tell him it’s because I know he will be there and he won’t get offended. That is NO excuse! No one deserves to get the short end of the stick. He is just the one that is always there, we currently live with his dad and his grandparents we are hoping that before she is 2 we can move out. See my husband is going through school right now and we can’t afford to live on our own and with baby. Just yet but we are getting there and we WILL make it happen it’s what we both desire so much.  We live comfortably but it not our own place so often I feel out of place or more like it’s not my place. This all take’s a toll on a relationship because there are different things that come in to play and interfere. I love my husband more than there are words to ever describe. He is an amazing loving father, Isla is very lucky to have him as her daddy. Although at times I feel like I am over worked and so stressed from the moment I walk in after a full day at work to more work. I enjoy this “work” I am referring to mommy duties. See I only wish I had more help or maybe shared help with the chores that need to be done since we both work full time. ALL I want is to be able to relax and spend ALL the time I have once I get home with Isla. I try so hard to have everything done at the end of the night after she is tucked in her crib and out for the night but as soon as I am done more things pop up! I love tending to my little family but there is pressure to keep things in order in that shared household since we aren’t the ONLY occupants. I know we shouldn’t let these little things come between us, and I know it happened spouses often fall off the same page from time to time and THAT’S OKAY we just got to get back on and work at it.  A marriage takes work but the beautiful thing is we are united and tied in marriage. I don’t mind this at all I love that I have a husband, I love that I ALWAYS have his company. We often talk about how we love hanging out together and how we get to hang out with out best friend each and every day! I don’t think I ever really expressed this to him but I feel so honored that he loves that he has me every day! He tells me all the time how beautiful I am and how much he loves that he wakes up to me and knows I will always be there at the end of the day. 6 years in to our relationship and still I am not tired of him or he of I HUGE compliment because before me his relationships weren’t really founded on much and he has mentioned to me he never was this close or wanted a girl to be there all the time the way we instantly took to each other. He would always try and send them home after a few hours and with us we were and have been inseparable. We have the relationship that people would dream of, we know each other through and through and I LOVE THAT he know me so well, we don’t go more than two hours with out communication even if it’s a quick “life you” I love that we share every detail with each other with out skipping a beat when we can be together. SO I tell him:

PAPA,

yesterday the first text I received from you read: “in 16 more days we have been married for a year”. Married to my best friend! I look at little miss crawling and reaching for those DVD’s in the bookcase that I said “oh she wont even notice” and you so rightfully said “I don’t know about that” and I feel blessed that we made her together she is you and me in one forever we will share her.  thank you for loving me the way you do and I know I have said some pretty hurtful things lately and you love me and love me and continue to love me through all this! Thank you so much for your patience in all my mood swings and mean words, I often find my self stressed and you tell me to breath, I just handle things a little different and you know this which is why I think your so patient with me. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE. You are my partner the one that was made for me. YOU are a great husband, provider, and daddy and above all you are a great best friend I love our relationship and the way we are “homies” and lovers you are my P.I.C (partner in crime) in all honesty I would be so lost without you! You are our glue that keeps this little family together. I am looking forward to these next days alone together with our upcoming trip but please be patient with me for this is going to be extremely difficult for me and leaving our baby. I might need you to hold me a few times to help me control these tears. But I will have you there with me to hold me and be my support system. Thank you so much for loving me and everything you do PLEASE know I do appreciate you so much and my life would be incomplete without you in it. I often don’t give you credit or praises when its deserved and I am sorry for that I do know how much you do for us and your care free attitude is actually very admirable you know how to make a stressful situation seem easy and handle it gracefully. I life you forever and I am so blessed to call you mine! Thank you for keeping me laughing, for making me feel sexy, for telling me what a wonderful mommy I am, for allowing me to be bitchy, and goofy at times. But above all that THANK YOU for giving me the ULTIMATE gift of LOVE, that GORGEOUS little girl that looks just like you! You two are my heart and without you I would completely and utterly lost! My partner for life! Here is to MANY MANY MANY YEARS to come! My life is BLISS and I owe it to you! 

with endless love,

Your WIfe! 

I enjoy Our times together...♥

Why hello Septemeber

SOME ONE IS GONNA NEED A whole lot of COFFEE aka: ME!

You are my NEW Favorite month. I say New because I never had a reason to like September and like most people I know we all favor a month. I love September because my daughter was born in September and this SEPTEMBER she is turning ONE! The husband and I have our ONE year WEDDING anniversary! These events are the most important dates of my life. Growing up I loved February because my birthday month and Valentines Day. I just like the 14^th because it’s my birthday and Valentines Day in one. Who doesn’t like their birthday month? So this particular year is hectic and AWESOME! Why? Because of the events I mentioned above AND  we have an action packed September every weekend in September we are BOOKED.

See: i work Monday-Friday so those days don't really count even though most those day we usually go visit Grandma's and have dinner a few times during the week.  take a look at our weekend! Yikes!

Outlook calendar at work

 Time line goes September 5 Labor day. September 6 I am taking it off so i can spend time with my dolly and gather any last minute things i may need and i am packing my daughter for Grandma's house.

Wedding: We will be Denver Colorado September 7- 12  we both are in the wedding, I AM LEAVING BABY for the first time and it’s for 5 days! I feel terrible have anxiety, and I am crushed! The 17^th is our One year wedding anniversary. The weekend of the 24^th is a close friends wedding that the hubby is best man at! The 26^th is Isla’s one year birthday that I of course requested off! That tops off our September but did I mention I have to plans Isla’s first birthday and squeeze it in during the week while i work full time?  because the weekend of the 26^th already will be October and I wanted to have her birthday after she is one so the 2^nd was our only option because daddy works Saturdays. I WILL BE ON OVERLOAD! I am over whelmed with so much going on and TO Do. I have to pack for trip. Plan birthday. Miss my baby and be in a wedding. Celebrate one year anniversary. Plan birthday. Attend another wedding. Plan. Isla’s birthday. Plan and THEN Isla’s first birthday party! WOW! I am in for it! Wish me luck!

But in the end I intend on taking it all in and working on enjoying these hectic days and enjoy my time off work I will be off for a total of 10 days thank you to the Labor Day holiday and weekends off! As busy as this September will be not ALL Septembers will be this way, next year all I have to worry about is our anniversary and Isla’s day! I look forward to it, and although this year we bit off more than we can chew will get through this together and gracefully!

PHEW! You can catch your breath now :) AND seriously how many times did i use the word September. Sorry but i wanted you to know i was talking about September! ;)

On This Day In 2010

Dayana BenavidezTrying to make this a relaxing day... Taking it slow